By Marianne Mauti
Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People
Recently I read an official survey that asked individuals this question, "If you could have a satisfactory answer to only one question, what would it be?" By an overwhelming margin, the number one answer was, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" Many of us have faced tragedies that are difficult to mentally and emotionally grasp and felt the devastating consequences of decision made in haste, anger or ignorance. Even more difficult to understand are the heart rendering and difficult situations we at times find ourselves in, even though we strive diligently to live our lives according to Gods Word. At times we feel at a loss to fully understand why things have evolved the way they have in our lives . This overwhelming desire to know "Why", I believe, is profound proof that despite modern mans effort to remove God from every aspect of human existence, the evolutionary explanation for human life has left people feeling empty, vulnerable and unable to find validation for their life. It leaves the answer to "why" up to chance or survival of the fittest. It also leaves the soul of man yearning for a deeper response. The truth is God created us with a need for the answers to all of life's questions. He wanted us to know who He was, why we were created and why we find ourselves in the situations we do. While evolution leaves no room for the soul and spirit of a man to find answers, we can take great consolation in knowing that God, our creator, does!
What Does the Bible Have To Say?
In the Bible (Gods Holy Word to us),the book of Ecclesiastes paints for us a vivid picture of the condition of man and the scope of this earthly life. Solomon (the writer of Ecclesiastes) reminds us in the following scripture, that circumstances beyond our control will inevitably be a part of all our lives : “The race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant nor recognition to the skilled; but time and circumstances meet them all.” (
The Freedom to Choose...
In order to understand "why" bad things happen we need to understand "how" bad things started to happen:
"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23.
God gave us a free will, the power of choice, because love always involves a choice. The choice to love and obey him also gave man the ability to "not" love or obey Him. As a result of Adam's choice, sin entered the world. That sin severed our relationship with God and gave every man, woman and child the knowledge of evil. As a result every one of us (decendants of Adam) have the ability to do bad and awful things to ourselves and to others. There are those who find this difficult to believe and accept. If you grapple with "why" we should be held accountable for one mans choice (Adams disobedience to God), recognize that you were also released from our accountability because of one mans choice (Jesus obedience to God). Adams choice condemned us all, Jesus choice freed all who believe in Him! “For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in shall not perish, but through Him should have everlasting Life” John 3:16 Because of Jesus selfless act we now have the ability to overcome the knowledge of evil by the power of Gods Spirit and choose to do what is right. But the choice still remains.
Here is the point: Affliction, suffering and sorrow do not come to "good or bad" individuals, they come as a result of mans knowledge of evil and our ability to act upon it. The choices we make and choices that others make, directly and indirectly effect each of our lives! God isn't happy about the bad choices we make especially when they hurt us or others, but God will not impose on our "free right" to make those choices. God created in man the potential to choose to do evil as well as choose to do good, but he did not make him to be or do evil, we chose that all on our own! Because man has the power of choice, God could not supersede our ability to choose and therefore live a life completely free of self inflicted suffering or tragedy, but because of the gift of His son Jesus Christ He has promised us the ability to live in His wisdom and grace and given us the divine ability to completely forgive and be forgiven!
Love Will Be Tested...
How many of us want to be married to someone who only loves us because they are programmed to do so. How many of us want parents who only love us because they have to? That might seem nice for a while but eventually we would want to know that we were loved because they chose to love us in spite of our faults, and remained faithful to us despite every trial or test of adversity. God is no different. Because He respects human independence, and wishes to have the free gift of human affection and service, he allows for our love and faithfulness toward Him to be tested. The Book of Job, is a poignant account of a mans ability to love God and remain faithful to Him even in the midst of suffering and tragedy .
Job was a pious, upright man who served and honored God. When presented by Satan with the prospect that Jobs devotion was only there because everything in his life was good, God allowed for his love and faithfulness to be tested. Job who was a prosperous man suddenly suffers (by the hand of Satan) a complete reversal of his fortune. He loses his property and his children; an awful disease afflicts his body, and sorrow begins to oppress him. Job tries to make some sense of the circumstances he is in (as we all do) and claims his innocence. He does curse the day of his birth and longs for death to bring an end to his sufferings but Job even at the request of His wife to curse God and die, does not complain against God. In response to Job's plea that he be allowed to hear from God on the cause of his suffering, He finally speaks to Job from the whirlwind. God answers, not by referring to his own omniscience and almighty power, but asking Job questions that were impossible for him to answer: "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation, tell me if you understand.Who marked off it's dimension? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?" Job 38:4-5.
When Job was faced with his absolute inability to answer, he became immediately aware of the magnitude of God's responsibility to all of creation and was drawn into a deep communion with God , "Now my eyes see you" Job 42:5. Job understood his relationship with God and returned to an attitude of humility and trust, which was deepened and strengthened by the experience.
The Lord cared for Job so deeply that he revealed himself personally to him and shared with him, in a way Job could comprehend, the full weight of Gods vast and eternal commitment to man! God confesses his burden to Job which helps us to see His profound involvement in our human destiny. In the end God responds to Jobs faithfulness with divine generosity! We see Job's physical and economical restoration but this is not at all the point of the book. The point of this book was to show us that while the tests of life will challenge our confidence and faith in God, they can also reveal our love and commitment to Him.
The Lord cared for Job so deeply that he revealed himself personally to him and shared with him, in a way Job could comprehend, the full weight of Gods vast and eternal commitment to man! God confesses his burden to Job which helps us to see His profound involvement in our human destiny. In the end God responds to Jobs faithfulness with divine generosity! We see Job's physical and economical restoration but this is not at all the point of the book. The point of this book was to show us that while the tests of life will challenge our confidence and faith in God, they can also reveal our love and commitment to Him.
God Sees the Big Picture….
We cannot ever fully comprehend the depth of divine omniscience that it takes governs the world let alone the universe. The complexity of millions of lives and the issues that God must individually and corporately contemplate can barely begin to be understood except in the aknowlegment of the vastness, the depth and the awareness of God's wisdom and power! Only God knows the beginning from the end. Only He can see the whole picture. By faith we must accept and acknowledge that only He has the ability to know and do what best for us!
God is Working It Out For Your Good…..
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
The account of Joseph (Book of Genesis ) is an example of how God takes the awful situations in our life and uses them for our good. Joseph who was the favorite of His father, was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers, he was then falsely accused of molesting his masters wife (because he would not dishonor his master by sleeping with his wife when she tried to coax him into it) . As a result he was thrown into prison. While in prison God gave Joseph the ability to interpret dreams and as a result God was able to use Joseph to spare his family, the entire nation of Egypt and all the Jewish people from 7 years of famine that swept over the land. Joseph was restored to a place of great authority. What was meant for Josephs destruction , God planned and purposed not only for Josephs good but for the good of all those that meant him harm. This is what he said to his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20.
We may not always understand at the time we are going through something, "why" it is happening to us. But like Joseph, if we trust God with our lives, He will work everything out in the end for our good and for the good of those we love. God took the cruel death of His innocent and blameless Son Jesus Christ (the result of our choice to sin) and turned it into the very best thing that has ever happened in history of universe and used it for the good of all mankind, forever. If God can take the very worst circumstance imaginable and turn it into the very best situation possible, can he not take the negative circumstances of your life and create something good from them? He can and He will!
The account of Joseph (Book of Genesis ) is an example of how God takes the awful situations in our life and uses them for our good. Joseph who was the favorite of His father, was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers, he was then falsely accused of molesting his masters wife (because he would not dishonor his master by sleeping with his wife when she tried to coax him into it) . As a result he was thrown into prison. While in prison God gave Joseph the ability to interpret dreams and as a result God was able to use Joseph to spare his family, the entire nation of Egypt and all the Jewish people from 7 years of famine that swept over the land. Joseph was restored to a place of great authority. What was meant for Josephs destruction , God planned and purposed not only for Josephs good but for the good of all those that meant him harm. This is what he said to his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20.
We may not always understand at the time we are going through something, "why" it is happening to us. But like Joseph, if we trust God with our lives, He will work everything out in the end for our good and for the good of those we love. God took the cruel death of His innocent and blameless Son Jesus Christ (the result of our choice to sin) and turned it into the very best thing that has ever happened in history of universe and used it for the good of all mankind, forever. If God can take the very worst circumstance imaginable and turn it into the very best situation possible, can he not take the negative circumstances of your life and create something good from them? He can and He will!
He is Forming His Nature and Character in You…..
While God is not the cause of our suffering, He does use our suffering to teach us, to mold and shape our character and to draw others to Him through us. The apostle Paul, who suffered through beatings and stoning’s and shipwrecks and imprisonments and rejection and hunger and thirst and homelessness and far more pain that most of us will ever have to endure had this to say about his circumstances. “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all" 2 Corinthians 4:17. He also said, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us" Romans 8:18. Paul understood that the things he suffered and the experiences he endured were temporary when compared to eternity and he was willing to endure whatever was necessary in order for Gods character and nature to be revealed in and through his life!
All the world will ever come to see and understand about God will be revealed through us. Every day we face adversity we have an opportunity to show those around us how a child of the most high God responds to life. In the same way we become a reflection of our earthly parents as we are growing up,we can become a beautiful reflection of our heavenly father as we grow in Him! I have heard it said, "Life is a taskmaster and experience the teacher." What a wonderful thing it is to know that our life can be a revelation of the Master and He can use our life to teach!
God Has the Last Word...
Over the years many people have asked me, “Couldn’t God have foreseen all of this?” No doubt he did. I like to use this analogy to help put that question into perspective: Before you had children, you could foresee there was a very real possibility they may suffer disappointment or pain or heartache in life, and they might and probably would at some point hurt you or possibly walk away from you! You still had kids, didn't you? Why? Because you knew, even though there was the potential for sad and painful things to happen, there was also the potential for tremendous joy, deep love and wonderful moments together.
Because suffering is personal; it demands a personal response. God isn’t some distant, detached, and disinterested deity; He entered into our world and personally experienced our pain. Jesus is there in the lowest places of our lives. Here is a beautiful dissertation revealing Christ's familiarity to the suffering and difficulty of our life:
"Are you despised? He was despised and rejected of men. Do you cry out that you can’t take any more? He was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. Did someone betray you? He was sold out. Are your most tender relationships broken? He loved and He was rejected. Did people turn from you? They hid their faces from Him as if He were a leper. Does He descend into all of our hells? Yes, He does." (source unknown)
From the depths of a Nazi death camp, Corrie ten Boom wrote these words: “No matter how deep our darkness, He is deeper still.” Every tear we shed becomes his tear. Jesus said, “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. But be courageous! I have conquered the world.” John 16:33 Through His own suffering and death, He has deprived this world of its ultimate power over you.
Suffering Does not have the Last Word, Death doesn’t have the last word!
All the world will ever come to see and understand about God will be revealed through us. Every day we face adversity we have an opportunity to show those around us how a child of the most high God responds to life. In the same way we become a reflection of our earthly parents as we are growing up,we can become a beautiful reflection of our heavenly father as we grow in Him! I have heard it said, "Life is a taskmaster and experience the teacher." What a wonderful thing it is to know that our life can be a revelation of the Master and He can use our life to teach!
God Has the Last Word...
Over the years many people have asked me, “Couldn’t God have foreseen all of this?” No doubt he did. I like to use this analogy to help put that question into perspective: Before you had children, you could foresee there was a very real possibility they may suffer disappointment or pain or heartache in life, and they might and probably would at some point hurt you or possibly walk away from you! You still had kids, didn't you? Why? Because you knew, even though there was the potential for sad and painful things to happen, there was also the potential for tremendous joy, deep love and wonderful moments together.
I Choose to Believe God Thought We Were Worth it All!
"Are you despised? He was despised and rejected of men. Do you cry out that you can’t take any more? He was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. Did someone betray you? He was sold out. Are your most tender relationships broken? He loved and He was rejected. Did people turn from you? They hid their faces from Him as if He were a leper. Does He descend into all of our hells? Yes, He does." (source unknown)
From the depths of a Nazi death camp, Corrie ten Boom wrote these words: “No matter how deep our darkness, He is deeper still.” Every tear we shed becomes his tear. Jesus said, “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. But be courageous! I have conquered the world.” John 16:33 Through His own suffering and death, He has deprived this world of its ultimate power over you.
Suffering Does not have the Last Word, Death doesn’t have the last word!
God doesn’t want you to live steeped in anxiety over what life will throw at you, things that you can’t prepare for, as Solomon so aptly put it! "Things" HAPPEN TO ALL OF US!!!!! But we don't have to wander through life waiting for the next shoe to drop or the next tragedy to strike! We can live everyday in the promises of God, the purposes of God and the peace of God! We can choose to honor and respect his position in our life! We can trust He sees the big picture and is working everything together in our life for good! We can allow Him to use every circumstance and situation to form His character in us and we can have absolute assurance that we will live eternally with Him because God had the last word!
In Conclusion...
In Conclusion...
I want to leave you today with this beautiful account of faith and confidence in God regardless of life's ongoing struggles:
British Church leader, Charles Reid, recounting a conversation he had with a young man who greatly impacted his life: "I met a young man who had fallen down a flight of stairs as a baby and shattered his back. He had been in and out of hospitals his whole life and yet he made the astounding comment to me, that he believed that God had been fair. I asked the young man how old he was and he replied that he was seventeen. I asked him how many years he had been in the hospital and the boy replied that he had been hospitalized for at least thirteen. When he told me that I said to him in astonishment-“And you think that’s fair?” The boy’s replied: “Yes sir I do! You see, God has all eternity to make it up to me.”
British Church leader, Charles Reid, recounting a conversation he had with a young man who greatly impacted his life: "I met a young man who had fallen down a flight of stairs as a baby and shattered his back. He had been in and out of hospitals his whole life and yet he made the astounding comment to me, that he believed that God had been fair. I asked the young man how old he was and he replied that he was seventeen. I asked him how many years he had been in the hospital and the boy replied that he had been hospitalized for at least thirteen. When he told me that I said to him in astonishment-“And you think that’s fair?” The boy’s replied: “Yes sir I do! You see, God has all eternity to make it up to me.”
By Marianne Mauti
The Biblical Role of a Father
 |
| Sitting on my daddy's knee. Here with my older sister. |
More than ever before, it is important for men and women to acknowledge and re-affirm the role of 'Father' in the family.God created man and made him complete by creating a woman. Together they created an earthly family. This family unit became a type of God's eternal relationship with mankind. He is our head, we are His Church (the Bride of Christ) and together we are called to produce the family of God. God, our 'Heavenly Father' similarly structured our earthly families by placing man at the head. The importance of maintaining this God-ordained family structure cannot be minimized and the headship role of husband and father is at the core of it's success .
Without a proper Biblical understanding and acceptance of a his role in the family, it isn't possible for a man to spiritually and physically lead his family. Without a God ordained head the family structure can't be maintained. According to Gods plan, being a responsible father necessitates being a good husband (1 Cor. 7:1-5). God commands that a husband love, honor, nourish and cherish his wife (Eph. 5:25-30; Col. 3:19; 1 Pet. 3:7), then he will be in the right position to do the same as a good father.
When a man effectively leads his family and follows Biblical principles, the result is harmony, peace and fulfillment. It doesn't mean there are never any problems, what it does however provide, is the right formula for success. God promises that families that follow His plan will be blessed. If the man fulfills His God-given role as a husband and father, he ultimately ensures the health and well being of his wife and children.
The Role of Fathers in Today's Culture
Unfortunately today most men don't understand the importance of God's family structure. Men are sadly relinquishing their headship role in an alarming rate, in pursuit of material success. This has left an undue burdened on wives and results in less time with the children. It seems that in today's family formula anything goes. Any relationship role is acceptable, in any manner or form deemed time efficient, culturally acceptable and personally pleasing. As a result, for the last several decades, we have begun to see its effect on the family structure. So, how have modern social and economic formulas changed the role of the father?
Before the industrial revolution, fathers often worked side by side with their sons and instruct their children in spiritual values. When industrialization took over the American landscape, fathers left their farms and headed to the factories. Fourteen to sixteen hour workdays set the stage for the absentee father. Fatherhood eventually came to be regarded as the breadwinner who fulfilled their parental duties by providing. They also led the family in establishing moral values and saw to the religious education of their children.
The time spent away from the family began to erode the father's most important role, headship. Children began to relay more on the mother for their physical and spiritual instruction. Conversely, with more time away from their family, men were drawn to and influenced by alternate lifestyles which led to a sharp increase in abandonment, illegitimacy and necessitated the development of welfare programs to assist the women and children affected.
In more recent decades, the changing role of women has had the greatest impact on the role of the father. Between 1948-2001, working age women employed or looking for work nearly doubled from less than 33% to more than 60%. The increase in their financial independence made the financial leadership of the father less important. The increase rate of divorce , remarriage and childbirth outside of marriage, have resulted in a transition from the Biblical role of a father to multiple and undefined roles. Today's fathers have been forced to take on roles vastly different than the one God originally designed.
The Effect on Your Children
The increased rate of divorce and re-marriage, and the new multiple, undefined roles for fathers has not only effected the role of husbands and wives, but it has effected and redefined a fathers relationship with his children. One thing is clear , however the family is defined today, the role of the father is still as important as it was when God first instituted it. Recent research on the role of fathers reveals something the Bible has long advocated; the love and influence of a father's love on their child's development is as great as the influence of a mother's love. A fathers love and influence have been shown to help their children develop a sense of security, which directly effects their social, emotional and cognitive development and function. Children who receive more love from their fathers are less likely to struggle with behavioral and substance abuse problems.
If Christian men do not teach their sons how to be a Godly husband and father, by example, we will continue to see decline in the family and an ongoing erosion of Godly principles and values in our society. As a result, we will continue to see tremendous fractures grow between parents and children. The lack of Christ centered love and discipline will continue tear at the framework of the family. Many scholars agree that the heart of a successful civilization is a strong family structure.
A Good Father
The Bible is a revelation of mans inability, apart from God, to live a blessed and prosperous life. Wherever there is sin and separation from God there will be problems. Knowing that, God is here to help families live and thrive in an imperfect world, even as we work through the consequences of our own mistakes. God begins by giving men and women defined roles and relationship parameters in which to live. Solomon, considered to be the wisest man to ever live, had his share of family problems. He reminds us in Ecclesiastes that whatever mankind is working through today are the same issues they were working through then. " What has been will be again, whatever has been done, will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. (Ecc. 1:9). If a successful civilization requires a strong family structure it would seem sensible for us to go to the Creator, read what He has to say about it!
Most importantly, it is necessary for father's and mother's to understand and accept their God-given roles. When you look at the confusion in male and female roles today, is it any wonder so many children are confused, emotionally disconnected and searching in all the wrong places for love, affection and acceptance. The restoration of a God centered family begins with understanding the proper Biblical role of the father! So how does God's Word define a good father?
A Good Father... is one whose priorities in his family match those that Jesus described in Matthew 22: "Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the Law of Moses?" Jesus replied, " You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' The entire law and all demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments."
Love is inherent in God's nature, as his children we are called to give God the love that is within us. It is the greatest command because it is the foundation of our relationship with God, our creator. It is also the guiding principle and the foundation of relationship between a father and his children. It is in fact an earthly example given to our earthly children so that they can see and understand the love of God and His role in our eternal life! The Bible does give us a description of the way we should express our love one to another. It also shows us the heart of a father towards his children. God’s love is a selfless love and serves as the example of what a fathers love should also be. There is so much we can learn about the nature of fatherhood through our relationship with God: "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance." 1 Cor. 13; 4-7
A Good Father…. teaches his children how to live a Godly life, through instruction and discipline. He will treat them with love and dignity so that they understand the reason for the correction and do not become angry. It should always be done in the spirit of love: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord." Eph. 6:4A Good Father …. is a giving father. He is giving of his time and resources to all of his children because he wants what is best for them. Luke 11:11-13 shows us the heart giving nature of a father: "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then thought you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"
A Good Father… teaches his children how to serve others, to be benevolent and kind: "Father to the fatherless, defender of widows- this is God, whose dwellings holy." Psalm 68:5
A Good Father… disciplines those he loves. Our children need to understand that wrong behavior alway leads to consequences, sometimes very painful and life long ones. Far better for them to learn this from you than to find it out in jail someday: "For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights." Proverbs 3:12
A Good Father… is compassionate to his children. He tries to understand his children's issues and struggles, from their point of view. He takes into consideration all of the things they have to deal with in the world, and from their peers. He tries to remembers what he went through as a child. It is important to show our children there is mercy and forgiveness for what they have done. By doing this you teach your children the compassion and mercy and forgiveness of God: "As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him." Psalm 103:13
A Good Father… teaches his children about God their 'Heavenly Father', through His Word. He shows them the way of eternal salvation through His Son Jesus Christ and how to receive the indwelling of His Holy Spirit so they are enable to live in in an imperfect world with God's power and authority. God has is given charge to instruct our children in all the ways of the Lord.
As For Me and My House
There is a wonderful example in the Bible of what God intended a father to be. It can be found in the book of Joshua 24:1-15. Joshua was a visible leader in his nation and also spiritual leader in his home. God's plan is that the father be the visible provider, protector, example and teacher to his children. A father must take responsibility for his family!
A Responsible Father.... is one who takes his God given responsibilities with God’s help and carries them out. 14 "Now fear the Lord and serve Him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshipped beyond the River Euphrates and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. 15 But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then chose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:14-15
A Responsible Father…. believes in teaching their children dedication to God and biblical morality. Joshua believed that as a father he needed to make certain commitments to God and God's principles that were given to his people to live by. He was a Godly influence on his family and his nation. Many fathers today spend more time supporting their favorite sports team then spending time with their children. Find something you can all enjoy together. Whenever you spend time with your family you promote a healthy attitude of caring, sharing, giving and serving. All of these are the building blocks of character.
A Responsible Father… never places work above his family. If you feel it is more important for you to provide them money, cars, homes, game systems, vacations, computers etc. to you children than spending time with them, you are teaching them to misplace their values. You are also showing them that what is more important you than them. Giving them the reward of your hard work is never going to replace the importance of the value of your time in their lives.
 |
| My husband with his family! |
Being a Responsible Father... may mean you will have to occasionally make choices that are not popular with your family. It takes conviction to live according to Gods word but it is your responsibility to do so, and if you truly love your children they will be more important than what others may think.
A Responsible Father… is unselfish; each and every decision includes his family. He puts their need above his own. A mother was not designed to raise the children alone. God has delegated the responsibilities for raising children to both parents, and each fills a role that the other cannot perform. The father’s presence should be felt in his home through its rules, and its worship and with his gentle love, leadership, and example. Training and admonition mean more than simply discipline or punishment for wrongdoing. They imply that a father should spend time instructing and training his children to do what is right. Children need to understand how to do what is good and avoid those things, which are evil. A responsible father will show them the right path and start them out on it. The ultimate goal is to get lead them in their walk with God, so eventually they will submit their life to Him.
The greatest tragedy of we are experiencing today is the lack of Biblical understanding and the failure of even Christian fathers to accept their leadership role! One out of three children born today are born in a fatherless home. In 40% of the families in America there is no father. In even more homes in our country the father is not a visible part of the family at all. God's plan for child training involves two loving parents.
There is an undeniable linkage between fathers and their children and it begins at birth. Infants as young as 6 weeks old can tell the difference between a mother and a father’s voice. It has even been shown that babies can distinguish between their mother and father's care. Babies are born with a need to connect to their mothers and fathers but the connection is different. Children will seek out their father; want to know where he is when he is not around. As they get older children will compete for their fathers attention. They will also confront his values, beliefs and of course his limits. Children hear what their father has to say and watch how he conducts his life.
Daddy's and Daughters
There has been a recent acknowledgment of the need for boys to have a viable connection to their father. Little is said however, of the enormous importance of fatherhood in the lives of daughters. Because today's culture is becoming increasingly difficult and dangerous for young women, daughters needed to fell the strength and security of a loving father. Our daughters are being daily bombarded with cultural messages meant to define them as sexually viable at a younger age. The peer pressure to preform as adults, even before they reach puberty, is almost impossible to withstand without a strong Godly father. The lack of male leadership has created a culture of verbal, physical, and sexual assault. It has also spawned a huge rise in eating disorders, alcohol addiction, depression and suicide.
 |
| With our daughter |
During the teenage years, a daughter needs her father more than ever, and fathers often misinterpret their daughter’s behavior. Dr. Meeker writes," Many fathers complain that their daughters won't talk to them. The truth is that fathers tend to discourage conversation. If a girl believes that every conversation with you is going to be an opportunity to criticize and reprimand them, instead of finding a way to have an uplifting, they will never open up to you! Have an encouraging conversation that will help her to feel good about herself and confident in your unconditional love! Most of all they need you to listen! If a daughter can trust her dad to listen, she will go to him when she faces difficult times or has to make life-altering decisions.
A girl whose father sets boundaries and curfews, helps to lead and guide his daughter into a Godly relationship with a man when she is old enough to seriously consider getting married.
Dad's need to spend time with your daughters. You need to engage your daughter on a more verbal and emotional level than your son! While it goes against your male nature you have to try. She needs to know that you can come to her when she need the confidence, validation and reassurance that she is looking for from the opposite sex!
Finally, girls need more emotional and physical affection. If they don't feel your love and the love of God through you, demonstrated in a healthy form of physical affection, they will look for it somewhere else. If they feel valuable, worthy and loved by you then they will not need validation from someone whose only interest in them is what they can't take from them, leaving them broken, hurt and alone. The impact of a father simply giving his daughter a hug should not be underestimated. Don't withdraw from your daughter during her teen years, that’s when she needs you, the most! There is something very special and particular about this relationship. It has the potential to protect a girl emotionally, physically and psychologically, as no other relationship in her life! A young woman's relationship with her father has a significant impact on her life-long view of men, herself and God!
Finally, girls need more emotional and physical affection. If they don't feel your love and the love of God through you, demonstrated in a healthy form of physical affection, they will look for it somewhere else. If they feel valuable, worthy and loved by you then they will not need validation from someone whose only interest in them is what they can't take from them, leaving them broken, hurt and alone. The impact of a father simply giving his daughter a hug should not be underestimated. Don't withdraw from your daughter during her teen years, that’s when she needs you, the most! There is something very special and particular about this relationship. It has the potential to protect a girl emotionally, physically and psychologically, as no other relationship in her life! A young woman's relationship with her father has a significant impact on her life-long view of men, herself and God!
Fathers and Sons
 |
| With our oldest son! |
Boy's genuinely suffer in the absence or non-involvement of a father. Boys without fathers are twice as likely to drop out of school, twice as likely to go to jail and nearly 4 times as likely to need treatment for emotional and behavioral problems as boys with fathers. Research has shown that boys are seriously in trouble and the major reason for it is because dads have become so distracted, overworked, exhausted, uninterested, chemically dependent, divorced and just clueless how to relate. The absence of masculine role models and mentoring is the greatest crisis
Young men need the reassurance of a good father. Life for a teenage male can seem overwhelming and they need a father's guidance. Why do I feel something raging inside? Why is my body reacting differently to girls, and why are my emotions all over the place? Father's are specially equipped to empathize and explain the predicament that their sons are going through! In single family homes ( with a mother only) it is important to find a Godly man or male Pastor you trust, to spend some time with your son and allow them to share their frustrations and confusion with them.
Dad's, you need to be your sons greatest source of encouragement, their biggest cheerleader. You can help put what they are going through into perspective, help them see the end of the tunnel! You get to show your son how a Christian man treats women. When you speak kindly to your wife and show her the respect and honor she deserves, you are setting a example that they can continually refer to in their future relationships. The way you treat your daughter will also show them how to treat some one elses daughter! You lead by example.
Dad's, you need to be your sons greatest source of encouragement, their biggest cheerleader. You can help put what they are going through into perspective, help them see the end of the tunnel! You get to show your son how a Christian man treats women. When you speak kindly to your wife and show her the respect and honor she deserves, you are setting a example that they can continually refer to in their future relationships. The way you treat your daughter will also show them how to treat some one elses daughter! You lead by example.
 |
| With our youngest son! |
Finally show him the beauty of marriage and the wisdom in waiting for Gods best! God has not put limits on sex inside the bonds of marriage; He has however put limits on sexual immorality. God defines what is good and beneficial for his creation but he has also defined for us what is destructive.
Conclusion
Conclusion
One of the greatest lies being perpetuated by the so called child experts is that parents need to give their teenager children room to express themselves as individuals, 'Teens Need Their Space'. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, it is completely the opposite. Around the time your teens are stretching their wings, mothers and especially fathers have to be be even more diligent in caring for and protecting their children. There are too many dangerous traps already being laid, and predators just waiting to pluck your child away. Be involved and diligent so you can head off the self-destructive nature of your teenager!
Don't be ignorant! The internet plays a huge role in the challenge families face today. There are so many new ways for all of the harmful things you have spent years protecting your family from, to leisurely creep into your home. Sexually explicit sites, private chatroom etc. It is imperative, especially for fathers, to understand and control accessibility to the internet and social media! We can't expect our children to self-govern themselves!
Finally...
Don't be ignorant! The internet plays a huge role in the challenge families face today. There are so many new ways for all of the harmful things you have spent years protecting your family from, to leisurely creep into your home. Sexually explicit sites, private chatroom etc. It is imperative, especially for fathers, to understand and control accessibility to the internet and social media! We can't expect our children to self-govern themselves!
Finally...
Spend Time With God as a Family...Take the time to read the Word together and discuss it. Allow them to see that the most important thing you do together as a family is learn about your relationship with God together!
Become Involved in a Local Church as a Family... While this goes against the grain of our current culture, going to church together as a family is extremely important in establishing a pattern for their lives. Becoming a part of a local church that gives them a community of believers who will be a source of comfort strength.
Pray For Them Everyday... This is one of the most important things you do for them. No one will love and care for your children the way that you do. Your prayer before God have great meaning and value. God will give you insight on how to minister to your children. He will also show how to let go and trust Him. Your time in prayer ,can be a time of comfort and healing for you, especially when you and your child are going through difficult times.
*******************************************
FORGING YOUR FAITH
To 'Forge' something, is to mold and shape something for suitable use. We believe that our lives are constantly being shaped and molded by the hand of God for His divine purpose! This publication strives to encourage believers who are beginning this process and those who are well into it! We also believe a truly successful life is a Christ-Centered Life! We hope you will join us and become a regular reader!
Thank You and God Bless,
Marianne Mauti
Founder and CAO
'Forging Your Faith' is the online Christian publication of 'Christ the King Church' in Bellevue, Pa.
About Marianne Mauti: Marianne is a writer and blogger as well as a Pastor at "Christ the King Church" in Bellevue, Pa. She is currently the Dean and Chief Operating Officer of "Christ the King Seminary" a full time Bible Institute. For more information about us please contact us at: crowncntr@aol.com
About Marianne Mauti: Marianne is a writer and blogger as well as a Pastor at "Christ the King Church" in Bellevue, Pa. She is currently the Dean and Chief Operating Officer of "Christ the King Seminary" a full time Bible Institute. For more information about us please contact us at: crowncntr@aol.com ***********************************************************
ARTICLE RESOURCES
ARTICLE RESOURCES
* The Bible
*Dr. George R. Beninate: Is Bishop of "Christ the King Church" in Pennsylvania, West Virginia and in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. A Doctor of Theology, Biblical Apologist, conference speaker, lecturer and my spiritual father.He is also the Author of several books including,"The Age of Glory", Thank you for your relentless pursuit of truth!
* Marianne Mauti
