WE COMMUNICATE CHARACTER TO OUR CHILDREN

By Dr. Susan Beninate

We Communicate Character to Our Children

It's sad that personality seems to have become more important than character in our society today. "Keeping up appearances" has become the primary focus in the majority of young families, while integrity and strong moral character seem to be relegated to a back seat position. Long before children can read a book they are already reading their parents and teachers. It is our responsibility to convince them, through our own behavior, that it's what a person is, not what he pretends to be, that makes all of the difference in life. Parents who say, through their actions,"It's okay to disobey authority if the teacher isn't around" or "It's only important to be nice to people when they are with you, after they walk away you can talk about them," are not teaching character and integrity to their children.

Certainly, your children may be able to "get by" if they learn to manipulate the man-made rules. In most short-lived human interactions they can use their personality to get by. They can make favorable impressions through charm and skill and pretending to be interested in other people. They can pick up quick, easy techniques that may work in short term situations, but they have no permanent worth in long term relationships.

One of life's greatest rewards is secure and lasting friendships. If our children lack fundamental character strength, they will not be able to cultivate and keep such relationships. Without character, the challenges of life will cause true motives to surface and human relationship failure will replace short term success. In every relationship, it's character that communicates most clearly.

Character, of course, doesn't develop spontaneously. It's a process. It must be woven into the fabric of a child's life by dedicated parents and reinforced by dedicated teachers. They have to be taught what is right, how to do what is right and then MAKE THEM DO IT! While initially character is produced through control by parents, teachers, and other external authorities, eventually it becomes such a part of our children that it is displayed naturally in every area of their lives. This comes through years of building them up and helping them to develop healthy self-esteem in addition to teaching them right from wrong.

Children with strong character are children who have a confident understanding of who they are. It seems that character flaws grow out of insecurities. All too often those insecurities come from having indefinite boundaries and too many uncertainties while growing up. What do you expect from your children or students? It's important to know. Then, let them know and FOLLOW THROUGH!!! Too many parents and teachers have either never defined their expectations or they expect too much and never allow the child to experience the feeling of accomplishment. Good parents and teachers recognize good behavior and teach the child to recognize it in himself.

Self-esteem is built, just like a brick and mortar building. In building, you never start with the finished product. Building self esteem occurs in steps. First, define your reasonable expectations in your own mind, then convey them to your children. Next, teach your children how to accomplish what you have set before them. Encourage them to accomplish the task to the very best of his ability. Finally, praise his accomplishments and teach him to be pleased with it as well. Don't worry that allowing your children to be pleased with their own accomplishments will develop into pride and conceit. On the contrary, it will teach self-worth, a vital ingredient in character. "Your bedroom looks great, I'm really proud of you… and you should be proud of yourself". A statement like this will build self-esteem. As we raise up young adults who are confident and well adjusted, we'll produce a generation who has no need to "keep up with the Joneses". They will see themselves as people who have value. As they recognize the value of their own lives,they will assign value to others. Ultimately, they will know that who they really are is far more important than who they "appear' to be.

With proper training, guidance and encouragement our children will develop inner convictions which will control outward behavior. If we do it right, our children will be so disciplined to do the right thing that it will become a reflex. That's the stuff from which men and women of character are made.

Conclusion

Todays feature article shares a tremendous practical understanding  on how to leave the mark of "character" on your children's lives. Webster’s 1828 dictionary defines “CHARACTER” as: A mark made by cutting or engraving stone; a mark or figure made by stamping an impression through pressure, or the force of one body acting on another by weight or the continued application of power.

Parents and teachers, you have been given an incredible task! Training our children how to live a morally, ethically and intellectually responsible life in this world begins by understanding a child's inherent nature to rebel against authority, then understanding how to teach them through Godly instruction and discipline to develop a lifelong  pattern of  good behavior. "Character" is the visible mark on a life that has been engraved by someone and we have the ability to leave that lasting mark! Character can be molded in our children through the continual "pressure" of our discipline and instruction. We can teach them  how to find  value, self-worth and great joy in life or we can leave them to figure it out on their own and accept the cultural view of our time which is, "If it feels good it must be alright!" Sadly this philosophy has been proven over and over to only bring sorrow and destruction. 

Christian character comes from a desire to be like God and grow in His nature. It is the mark of His character left on you that defines who you are!

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FORGING YOUR FAITH

To 'Forge' something, is to mold and shape something for suitable use. We believe that our lives are constantly being shaped and molded by the hand of God for His divine purpose! This publication strives to encourage believers who are beginning this process and those who are well into it! We also believe a truly successful life is a Christ-Centered Life! We hope you will join us and become a regular reader! 

Thank You and God Bless,

Marianne Mauti

Founder and CAO

'Forging Your Faith' is the online Christian publication of 'Christ the King Church' in Bellevue, Pa.

About Marianne Mauti: Marianne is a writer and blogger as well as a Pastor at "Christ the King Church" in Bellevue, Pa. She is currently the Dean and Chief Operating Officer of "Christ the King Seminary" a full time Bible Institute. For more information about us please contact us at: crowncntr@aol.com

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                                                                    ARTICLE RESOURCES

* The Bible

*Dr. Susan S. Beninate

Dr. Susan S. Beninate Is the Senior Pastor at "Christ the King Church" located in Bellevue,Pa. She is the Co-Founder and International Director of "Abundant Life International Director of "Abundant Life International Schools" in the United States and Cambodia. She has served as a missionary to the Country of Cambodia for over 20 years. . She is a sought after conference speaker and has taught extensively on parenting and child training. She is the author of the book entitled "The Well Behaved Child". In it you will find all the practical and Biblical understanding needed to help your child become a "well behaved" child that grows into a well adjusted adult!